The Monster grew up in Ohio. He loves Ohio. He often wears a t-shirt that says Surf Ohio. See, that’s a joke. You can’t really surf in Ohio. Granted, it’s not a funny joke. But the t-shirt is cool. He’ll tell you why Ohio is the “heart of it all.” He can proudly spout off many wonderful attributes about Ohio. How Wendy’s, White Castle, Zantigo, Arthur Treacher’s and TGIFridays all started in the Buckeye state. Ohio does dirty-greasy-awesome-fattening-cholesterol-killing-heart-attack-inducing-food as well as anywhere in these fine fifty states. That’s why he was so excited to hit Rusty Bucket Restaurant and Tavern.
And boy was he…
Rusty Bucket has multiple locations in Ohio, Indiana and *ichigan (F them) featuring everything you need to get a big, fat ass and die young. The Monster loves that. It’s got the requisite sports memorabilia. Which is great. It’s got friendly, Midwestern service. Perfect. But why oh why was the food so meh?
The menu is huge. Pizza and double stacked quesadillas and sliders and short rib sloppy Joes. You want deep fried pickles, they got them. You need pork potstickers. Come to the right place. Salads with more calories than you should eat in a day? Check.
So the wings have to be great, right? They offer them with tamarind BBQ or sweet chili or habanero or…
So they have to be awesome, don’t they?
Because you can also get them as Joe’s regular or Sriracha or chipotle…
So they must kick ass, correct?
Ahem. They aren’t, they don’t. They are fine. Meaty enough but just blah. Come on Rusty Bucket, your wings should make The Monster want to pick up and move back to Ohio to freeze his nuts off in the depressing grey of winter just for some of your wings. That didn’t happen.
As for the turkey burger. That’s The Monster’s fault. He should have just gone for it and ordered some pizza. Or a buffalo chicken sandwich. Or fish ‘n chips. He didn’t, his fault. Won’t blame you Rusty Bucket. You even called it a California turkey burger on the menu. The Monster lives in California. He should not have come to Ohio to eat in California.
Rusty Bucket, The Monster will give you another shot next time he is in town. He truly wants to love you. He does.
Why go? You’d order the Elvis Velveeta Burger and be damned proud of that.
Monster rating: 2½/5 Monsters
180 Market Street
New Albany, OH 43054